Friday Funnies: Post-it Pleas

Is it just my house or do dirty dishes seem to magically appear just seconds after you have cleaned up the ones before them? I have actually turned around to throw something in the trash after cleaning up the dishes and found a new dish on the countertop! And those little buggers are sneaky as they quietly retreat from the room before I am even aware they were ever there. It's so frustrating to feel as though your job is never done.

Yesterday, my eleven-year-old experienced the same frustration. She had unloaded the dishwasher and put the dirty dishes from the sink into the newly emptied machine. I have to say, I didn't ask her to do this. For some reason, she was switched with some alien creature that looks just like her but must be programmed to be a domestic diva. After she was done, she decided to vacuum (uh, I'm not kidding, she got out the vacuum and actually vacuumed!). When she finished vacuuming, she went back to the kitchen, only to find more dishes on the counter. "Who did this?" she yelled. "Who is too lazy to put their own dishes in the dishwasher?" She caught her brother and told him to rinse his dishes and put them in the dishwasher while she stood there and watched him do it. I couldn't help but smile in amusement. The next time I entered the kitchen this is what was on the counter by the dishwasher:

I loved her note. I loved it so much, I decided to write my own to post around the house. I haven't finished yet, but here are just a few of mine:

I'm sure there will be more to add to this collection! Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!

Will My Kids Ever Like Each Other?

It's the little things that make my heart sing, especially when it comes to my children. Let's just say my kids are not Facebook kids. They don't sit around the fire singing Kumbaya while they braid each other's hair and offer words of encouragement or affirmations to one another. Nope. My kids will, instead, engage in a pissing contest of who has it worse or who can roll their eyes the furthest while they listen to the other talk. It's painful as a parent to watch such behavior when the whole reason to have more than one was to give them family to love. I suppose when you put an eighteen-year-old video junkie with a girlfriend, a sixteen-year-old girl who is more cynical than complementary and an eleven-year-old who only wants to be acknowledged that she exists to her older siblings and will get that acknowledgement by positive or negative force, it can create quite a bit of tension in the family.

Well, today was one of those Kumbaya moments that I will forever cement in my brain as a small step for sibling-kind. It happened before I even rolled myself out of bed. From my room, I heard the sound of the front door close followed by a car exiting the driveway. Maybe my son was heading to his girlfriend's house? Maybe he was heading to the bank to cash his checks (uh, wait, it's too early for the bank), where on earth was he going this early in the morning? I decided to investigate. I threw on my robe and walked upstairs - yes he was gone, but so were the girls. Someone must have kidnaped the girls!! I grabbed my phone and sent a text to my one of my daughters asking where they were. They actually all went out to breakfast, WITH EACH OTHER!

Now, don't get me wrong. I do believe, back in the dark recesses of their being, there is a part of them that realizes how lucky they are to have each other and that they truly do love each other. I do see glimpses from time to time of their love for one another, but I wish it were more prevalent - on a day to day basis. No matter how many times I remind them to treat each other with respect, it seems to fall on deaf ears...or does it?

I thought back to when I was a kid - my only sibling was, and still is, five and a half years older than me (yes, that half is and has always been important). I was (and I am sure she can attest to this) the annoying little sister. We seemed to fight a lot. I even remember spitting at her! She was so lucky because she was able to to more things than I could (because she was older, of course). She was always cooler, hanging with friends, going to dances and driving. I remember how she would rest her left arm on the window frame of the car as she drove around like she was showing off, and I would get so jealous. It was hard being the baby sister. But I also remember the times we laughed until our sides hurt. I remember sitting in the back of the closed cab pickup truck, as we drove to our grandparent's on a snowy day for Christmas and sliding into a ditch, clinging to each other. We loved each other; we just didn't always show it.

So what does this mean for my kids? I think their love for each other is growing, like a stubborn tree. It has its good years and its difficult ones. Each phase of their journey through life is different and can probably never align perfectly to have sibling bliss, but it can have moments of harmony among the chaos.

If your children struggle to keep the peace, here are some things you can try:

1.  If they're not killing each other, try to stay out of it and allow them to work it out on their own. Too often, as parents, we just want to keep the peace. But stopping them from talking it (or shouting it) out, doesn't help them learn how to work things out on their own. They will be much better problem solvers as they get older if they are given the opportunity to work things out at home without being prompted or stopped altogether.

2.  Separate them if it gets physical. Give them time alone to think about what happened and how they can resolve it peacefully. This also gives you, the parent, time to think of how you will help them resolve this problem without getting too emotional or drawn-in to their ploys.

3. Establish house rules and consequences.  If you have already created rules and consequences, you are ahead of the game. However, you must enforce them. Sometimes all kids need are defined boundaries they know will be enforced to keep their behavior in line.

4. Make each child feel important. Birth order does encourage some rivalry between siblings - it's pretty much a proven fact. The younger children are jealous of the older children because they get to do so many cool things. The older children are jealous of the younger children because they get to do things at an earlier age, etc. None of my children feels I treat them equally, and they're correct, I don't. I expect more mature behavior from my sixteen-year-old than my eleven-year-old.  I also allow my older children more freedom which makes my little one feel left out. But what's important here, is to build up the importance of their age and their accomplishments. Making them feel unique within the family helps them see their place and helps them feel important.

5.  Praise your children when you like what you see. It's so easy for parents to point out what their kids do wrong which only feeds low self-esteem. I have caught myself more times than I would like to admit, pointing out the negatives of their behavior. But what I have found, is when I commend them for a nice comment or gesture, they eat it up like candy. They love to hear how thoughtful they were to take their sister's or brother's dish to the sink or how kind it was to complement their sibling on their singing or the cute outfit they were wearing. If we focus on finding these gestures and giving them kudos for their positive interaction, they will want to do it again and again. After a while, they will find it easier to compliment than ridicule each other.

Peace and harmony among siblings is not always going to happen unless you are a Facebook family. Kids will fight. Heck, anyone who lives with another human being for an extended period of time, especially if they didn't have a choice, will not always see eye to eye. Why do you think your parents tried to talk you out of rooming with your best friend in college?! After a while, even the most even-tempered people can become frustrated and irritable.

I would like to think that this morning, I was given a small glimpse into the potential of my children's future relationships with one another. I can only hope they will grow closer as they mature and that the one thing I asked of them will be granted - to love one another and to be there for each other through the good and the bad. I gifted them with siblings, I just hope they realize what a true gift it really is.

Day One

* Written on Monday, August 3, 2015

I have been preparing for months for this day. Really, the entire past year has been leading up to this day. The momentous start of kindergarten, Aiden's difficulty adjusting, the sounds and smells of the lunchroom, the crying, the teasing, the patronizing staff, the school social worker. All of this followed by moving schools, shorter days, rebuilding confidence, doing extra work at home, research, school tours, and prayer. I am reminded of one of my favorite bible verses:

"While from behind a voice shall sound in your ear, 'This is the way, walk in it.'"  -Isaiah 30:10

I didn't choose homeschooling, it choose me, as hokey as that may sound. I never thought about homeschooling one way or another, until I had to find another way for my son. I didn't really want to homeschool, but it kept coming back, nudging me. As we struggled to find the best place for our son for this school year I prayed for guidance. But I had already been told what to do.

So here we are, day one. The previous months have been spent researching curriculum, buying books, meeting other homeschooling parents and picking their brains (God bless their patience) and jotting lesson plans in a notebook. The previous weeks have been spent turning the loft playroom into a classroom, although half of it remains filled with toys, coloring books, and busy boxes for Elliott. My husband went to Ikea with me on a Saturday without batting an eye. He put together the bookshelf we picked out and he spent the weekend helping me move baby toys to the basement and our chalkboard/dry erase easel upstairs. He has been on the fence about homeschooling. Like me, he never had exposure to it and just took for granted that our kids would go to a traditional Catholic school like their parents did. Despite his misgivings, he has agreed to give it a shot. He is supporting me and for this I am grateful, because aside from lots of coffee I need support on this venture.

Aiden does not begin class at his homeschool school until August 31, at which time he will attend eight hours a week. For now, we are getting acclimated to our classroom and working on math, reading, writing, and spelling. The first day at Mom's School of Hard Knox was a success. It was also my first time teaching math. Saying that math is not my strong suit would be an understatement. I remember learning about Heaven and hell in Catholic school. I pictured hell as being chained to a school desk having to complete long division worksheets for all of eternity. Now my version of hell would have more to do with never ending piles of laundry and an absence of coffee, chocolate, and beer, but I digress. Ever since I purchased the Alpha version of Math U See from Sonlight, I have been teaching myself to teach. Fortunately, this curriculum comes with a student book and a corresponding teacher's manual, complete with numbered week by week lessons. Today I introduced the concept of places - hundreds, tens, and units - a concept that I had all but forgotten having learned it twenty some years ago.

I learned a little about teaching math and a lot about how my "student" learns. He is very eager to learn and catches on quickly, but he is also a perfectionist and does not want to try if he thinks he'll get the answer wrong. I assured him that I would never be upset about a wrong answer, but only if he didn't try. We would have no need for school if we were born knowing everything. I also reminded him that I would be learning with him to a certain extent, after all I am not a teacher by trade. I have the utmost respect for those who are; I admire anyone with the stamina and knowledge to lesson plan and teach a whole classroom full of different learning styles and behaviors. Aiden picked up the concepts quickly and we had time for our math game - building hundreds, tens, and units houses. First we had to color and cut out the number cards. Elliott was scribbling away right there with us, sans pants since we are potty training. More on that later, but hey, where else can students come to class without pants? Don't answer that.

After math, Aiden was eager to play more math games on his leap pad. We had lunch and did writing - Aiden's least favorite. He balked a little at the writing, but with a little encouragement we were able to review the proper way to hold a pencil and form letters from top to bottom and left to right. Yeah, I am pretty sure I have been gripping the pencil and forming letters incorrectly my whole life. See, you can teach an old mom new tricks.

We ended the day with a prayer and the best and worst parts of our day. Predictably, Aiden liked numbers the best and writing the worst. In this way he is definitely more like his father, but hey, it might be best not to have more than one writer in the same family. We can be kind of quirky. Except for Jan of course. Wink wink.

Day one is complete, and truth be told it went better than I expected. Now, don't worry, I know my year of homeschooling won't be all rainbow shitting unicorns. I am a realist. I know that we will have battles and tears and chocolate eating and days where we don't get shit done. After all, it's me we're talking about. But I also know if I am prepared for these things we can get through them. I know it will be incredibly challenging and incredibly rewarding. Kind of like parenting, huh? Elliott also filled his potty chart today so all in all I'd say it was a win.

Not all days are like this one; in fact it seems like too many are not. So this post really isn't about homeschooling. This post is not meant to be in any way boastful or persuasive. I have documented the days where everything seems to go wrong, and I have to keep track of a day that just worked. After all, I want to have it in writing to prove to myself it actually happened. You know, some say the unicorn is more than just a mythical creature...

Random Thoughts Thursday: Recent Questions and Comments of a Six Year Old Boy

"Mom, why do you sit down to pee?"
A better question might be, when will I learn to lock the bathroom door?

"Mom, why did Office Max and Wicked Good go up to Heaven?"
Referring to a store and cafe that used to be in the strip mall across from our house and have closed.

"Mom, do you know the number to Waste Management? Can't you just look it up on the internet?"
If I have a moment to sit on the computer that is the first thing I want to do.

"We need a garbage can that says our city on it! Our garbage can doesn't say our city on it! Can we get a city garbage can?! I am going to save my money for a city garbage can."
This one is every day. He counts his money every night. Some six year old boys save their money for games or toys. Mine is saving his for a garbage can.

"Mom, I have fifty dollars, so I need two more tens to get to seventy and then I can buy a garbage can. I asked God for two more ten dollars; why isn't he giving them to me yet?"
I don't know, but next time you ask Him can you also ask how my Lexus is coming along? There must be a back up in the delivery center....

"Hey Mom, did you every watch a two year old before Elliott?"
"Yes, Aiden, you were a two year old once, four years ago in fact."
"Okay, but did you ever watch a two year old before me?"
"Yes, I used to babysit two year old twins when I was in college."
"Do you think those kids who you babysat could still be LIVING TODAY?"
Apparently I'm a dinosaur and the two year old children for whom I nannied in my college days are in their nineties.

"Hey, Mom, how come every time we come to Fifth Avenue the light turns red?"
I have asked myself this question many times.

"Hey, Mom, how come we're always late for everything?"
I can think of two reasons and they're both in this car. Also, the light on Fifth Avenue.

"Mom, how many minutes late are we today?"

"Mom, is dinner ready, yet? How about now? How about now?"
No, sorry, it still hasn't learned to cook itself.

"Mom, can we have a play date on August 2nd?"
I don't even know what we're doing tomorrow.

"Mom, how come Elliott is two?"
He was born two years ago.

"Mom, how do babies get out of tummies?"
The doctor performs a magic trick.

"Mom, did you call Waste Management yet?"

"Mom, why are you sitting down?"
I am pretending to search for the number for Waste Management.

"Mom, I heard you tell Alex's mom that when you are in the car by yourself you listen to music with inappropriate words. What are the words? Tell me."
"I am not going to tell you. They are grown up words just like coffee is a grown up drink."
Funny how he can't here me when I tell him to clean up, yet this he heard this while riding his bike down the sidewalk.

"Mom, if we wanted to run in the sprinkler and we didn't have a sprinkler, what would you say?"
"I'd say, 'we don't have a sprinkler'."
"Then do you think we'd cry?"
"Probably."
"THEN what would you say?"
"Let's not focus on hypothetical crying."
"What's that mean?"
"Crying that isn't really happening."
"Okay, WAAH WAAH! Elliott, cry!"

"Hey Mom, guess what?"
"What?"
"You're the best mom in the whole world."
Aww, and to think I was almost getting tired of answering questions. What better to hear at the end of a long day? And they said it was a thankless job....

Funny Fridays: Guys, This One's for You

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, Dear? Why are you down here  at this time of night?" she asked.

"Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only sixteen?" he asked.

"Yes, I do," she replied.

"Do you remeber when your father caught us in the back seat of my car kissing?"

"Yes, I remember."

"Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?"

"Yes, I do," she said.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,
"You know..... I would have goten out today."

From: jokes.christiansunite.com

Random Thoughts Thursday: Random Thoughts When Insomnia Strikes

The other day my friend and I were discussing the odd phenomenon of being completely, uselessly, paralytically exhausted and yet not being able to sleep. We were hoping to crack the code on why this happens, but our insomnia is still a mystery. Insomnia would actually be useful if I could get my ass out of bed and accomplish something. Is their really any greater waste of time than lying in bed from 10:30 (Oh, I'll go to bed early!) until 3:30 A.M. simultaneously wide awake and exhausted into paralysis? True story. This is my frustrating paradox. I can't sleep to save my life so I lie there with my eyes closed listening to whatever crap is on TV at that time of night (think bad reality shows meet infomercials). Yes, yes, I know having screens on triggers the brain to be awake blah blah blah. The other problem with insomnia is that it's really boring, which brings me to my next question: if I can't sleep, why don't I get up and use my quiet house to DO something? Well, I think about it, but although I can't sleep I am really tired and I think I will fall asleep ANY MINUTE. Actually, I think many random thoughts during my hours of insomnia, so hey what better topic for a Random Thoughts Thursday post? See, I am using my insomnia productively. Here are just a few thoughts I had the other night while attempting to sleep.

I am going to bed early tonight. Finally I won't be tired tomorrow. I will wake up refreshed.

I am so tired. I bet I'll fall asleep right away.

I better make sure my alarm is set, just in case Elliott decides to do something drastic like sleep past 6:00 A.M.

I can't believe I thought Vacation Bible School started at 9:30. I totally would have been on time today if it had started at 9:30. Oh well, I'll be on time tomorrow. Although, I should set realistic expectations to avoid setting myself up for failure. I'll shoot for five minutes late.

Why am I still awake? I'll turn on Mystery Diagnosis. I'm so glad we switched from Dish to Comcast. Now we get all these great channels. I'll always have something to listen to to help me fall asleep. Our security system was a down grade, but look at all of these channels! Priorities.

Wow, I have at least two of these symptoms. I wonder if I have a rare genetic blood disorder like this guy.

I really need to get those thank you cards out.

Mystery Diagnosis is over and I'm still awake. I wonder if I should use this time to write. No, I'll be tired in the morning if I don't get some sleep. I'll just lie still and I'll be asleep soon.

Teen Mom is on? I didn't even know this show was on anymore. Wow, and I though I didn't have my shit together. At least my husband and I don't fight over text messages. WTF? How can this girl's fiance afford to give her a vacation to Saint Thomas Island for her birthday? Weren't they just bitching about not being able to afford formula? What's with the priorities? It's almost like downgrading a security system in favor of more TV channels.

I am so embaressed that I just watched that show.

I am still awake, maybe I should fold the laundry.

Why am I always thinking about laundry? I think it is a medical fact that thinking about laundry exacerbates insomnia.

I wonder if Elliott is going to sleep through the night tonight. This is like Murphy's Law. He is sleeping and I can't.

Damn, it's midnight already. I wonder if anyone else is still awake. I really want to text someone. But then if they are sleeping and they have one of those obnoxious notification sounds like birds chirping, I will wake them up and then they  will probably think I am a needy weirdo for texting them at midnight to see if they are awake. Then they will want to back away from the friendship. They will make friends with the cool, put together mom at the gym and tell her about their lame, needy ex-friend. Pretty soon I will be blacklisted by all suburban moms.

My friends wouldn't do that. But still, I shouldn't wake them up.

I still haven't signed Aiden up for swim lessons and it's mid July. what kind of mom am I? Although in my defense the weather has been crappy. Maybe I should sign him up for indoor swim lessons and call it a day. Although they cost more money, and what is summer for if not outdoor swim lessons? I should check the ten day forecast and go from there.

Maybe I should use my quiet time to write. If I'm not asleep after this rerun of Supernanny I'll write.

Listen Joe Frost, this mom is doing the best she can utilizing the naughty spot! I actully think the main problem is calling it a naughty spot. That just doesn't sound right. Let's stick with time out. I don't know how it is in Britain, but around these parts "naughty spot" has a different connotation.

One sheep, two sheep, three sheep. Does this ever actually work?

I am going to be tired tomorrow. Although, if I fall asleep now I could still get six hours. That's not bad. Ready set sleep!

Okay, Supernanny is over and I'm still awake. I have so many ideas for blog posts, which one should I write? I am really tired now, I bet I will fall asleep.

Five hundred channels and nothing to watch? What, people don't watch TV at 2:00 A.M. The only thing on is infomercials and Sex Sent Me To The ER. Decisions decisions.

Why would someone pay three hundred dollars for a vacuum steam mop combo?

Hmm, this vacuum steam mop combo does a lot. It even picks up pet hair.

I really need to vacuum the couch.

I am going to be tired tomorow. Actually today since it is after 3:00 A.M. Oh well, I'll just go to be early tomorrow night...

What My Two Year Old Teaches Me

I am emerging from the summer time suck long enough to pound out a blog post (I hope). As many of you know my two-year-old broke his first metatarsal (bone above the big toe joint) on Father's Day weekend. How did he break it, you ask? I have written previously about his penchant for climbing things and his lack of fear, so you would probably guess that he jumped off of something. It would also be reasonable to guess that he was injured at the kiddie gym where we held his brother's party and where he was actually allowed to jump on a trampoline and dive into a foam pit. These would be reasonable hypothesis, but they would be wrong. He broke his toe by tripping and falling over his own two feet. Landing on his hands and knees. In the kitchen. And I was hoping he didn't inherit the klutz gene from my side of the family. This gene really does exist. If you don't believe me try going on a hike with my family.

In any case, when the injury occurred it didn't look like much, until he tried to stand up and was unable to put weight on his foot. He continued crying about the pain and saying that he wanted "toe off". I knew something was wrong since he usually brushes off injuries as soon as they occur. As I got ready to take him to urgent care (because these things NEVER happen during regular doctors' office hours) my husband said, and I quote, "I don't think you need to take him in. I mean, it's a twisted ankle. It will be fine." He gently reminded me that I tend to be a hypochondriac by proxy and I gently reminded him that I have accurately diagnosed my children with pink eye and ear infections. Off to urgent care we went. After x-rays, they immobilized the foot with a double ace wrap and told me to keep him off of it until we could see the orthopedic specialist on Monday morning. You might think this would be problematic with an active two-year-old, but the next day his toe swelled up and turned bluish; he had no desire to put weight on it. While we felt sorry for him and bemoaned the occurrence of such a random accident had to occur and what if he was in a cast all summer, Elliott adapted to the situation by crawling and scooting around the house happily playing with his trucks. I think it is pertinent to add that I did NOT say "I told you so" to my husband. At least not out loud. Meanwhile, Aiden was jealous of his brother's "cool cast" and wanted to know if he could have a turn. Honestly, kids get jealous of the weirdest things. 

Fortunately, the orthopedic specialist did not have to cast Elliott's foot, but he traded his ace bandage in for a boot that he has to wear for 3 to four weeks at all times other than bathing. She warned me that it may take him some time to want to walk on it. As predicted, for the first day he wanted to be carried or crawled everywhere. By the second day he realized he could stand on his new boot and by the end of the second day he was back to running. It sounds like we are living with a pirate in high heels. Drag....clunk drag...clunk. Aiden asked if he could wear the ace bandage on his foot since Elliott had the super cool boot (I mean, how unfair, right?) but I told him that people might start to wonder about me if I was carting around two kids with immobilized feet at the same time. 

This is our first experience with broken bones, and with two boys it probably won't be the last. I was relieved that the treatment was easier than expected, and I was also reminded that we should all think more like toddlers. I am not saying we should start throwing tantrums about having to wear a shirt (not that that happened). But Elliott never lets anything get him down. Life threw a broken bone his way and he thought, "Okay, let's see how I can work with this". Well, more likely he thought, "I want that truck and I am going to get it," and, "This heavy boot is excellent for stomping on things that get in my way. Like toes." Regardless, he didn't waste time feeling sorry for himself or letting a pesky broken bone get in his way. Often when we are out and about people will say, "Awww, what happened to his poor little foot?" as Elliott runs past them, laughing. He doesn't feel the least bit sorry for himself.Then again, maybe they just wish they had a cool boot. I know Aiden does.

As parents, we are always talking and thinking about the thing we teach our kids. After all, we are their first and best teachers. But what we may not often realize is that they can be our best teachers, too. Elliott sees the world through a completely un-jaded lens. I strive to do what comes naturally to him, to take what life throws at me, adapt to it, and run with it. But it's easy to get stuck in a rut. It's easy to feel like when it rains it pours and not be able to see the rainbow. We all struggle with this. My children constantly teach me to live today, to splash in the muddy puddles and worry about cleaning up later. They constantly teach me things I don't know for lack of paying attention. Things like: grasshoppers make cool pets, a baby bunny hopping through the yard never gets less exciting, you never know when you might be recruited for an a capella career, so practice often, and road construction can be cool. Today I am trying to be more like Elliott (again minus the tantrums and toilet aversion). When we were at the pet store this morning he caught sight of some mice running around  and around in their wheel. He stopped at the glass tank to watch, and was soon in hysterics over their antics. I suppressed the urge to tell him to come on, and squatted down to watch with him. Two mice were running their hearts out in this metal wheel while one free loader clung to the metal rungs and held on while he was spun upside down. It was pretty amusing. What was I in a hurry for anyway? On the drive back we ran into a traffic jam due to a lane being closed on a major road. A road that I had taken to avoid the construction on another major road, incidentally. I thought, "Fuck this fucking construction!" Yes, that's how I talk in my own head. Out loud I said, "Look at the dump trucks Elliott? Isn't that cool?" Elliott was way ahead of me, his eyes glued to the machines doing who knows what to the road. He made sure to say hi to all the trucks and tell them to have a nice day. Finally, when we came home for lunch I decided to sit at the table while Elliott ate his grilled cheese sandwich and chicken (because he couldn't decide on just one) and read him the book he had asked me to read instead of rushing to clean up the dishes (really, where are they going?).

Of course, I can only strive to think like a toddler. Unfortunately we adults have been jaded by life. Sometimes it takes a little person to teach us that we can take what life throws at us. And that accountants aren't medical professionals. 

Elliott rockin his groovy boot