Friday, May 8, 2015

Why My Car Looks Like An Episode of Hoarders (and I'm not ashamed of it)

Look inside my husband's car and you will see the floor, a case of CDs (because we are still living in the nineties and haven't caught up to you wippersnappers with your XM radio), sunglasses, and maybe a bottle of water. This is pretty much unchanging.

Look into my car on any given day and you will find some or all of the following:

Drive through receipts 
Because Mommy needs coffee

Empty coffee cups (see above)

Random toys and books 
Because God forbid we embark on a fifteen minute car ride without ample entertainment in the form of New Truck, Old Truck, School Bus, Other School Bus, Snuggle Blankie, Brown Bear Brown Bear Book (which my two year old will want me to read to him while I'm driving. I'm all about multitasking, but...), Kiddie Zoomer Watch and no fewer than eight hotwheels that will inevitable roll under the seats.)

Diapers and wipes
I can't tell you how many times I've had to stop at the pharmacy and buy over priced diapers while I am out because I forgot to stock the diaper bag.

Colored on kids menus
Because my five year old thinks he's Picasso and if we go out to eat we need to keep the restaurant menu on which he colored since "it's so beautiful".

Crayons (are you even supposed to take those from restaurant?"

Snacks/snack wrappers/and empty snack containers 
I don't care if I feed them breakfast three minutes before we get in the car, before I even shift into reverse I will hear, "I am hungry/Can I have a snack/I want bar bar!" I don't care if they just ate or if we ar on our way to eat. If I don't feed them it will be a miserable ride.

Crumbs (See above)
 My husband doesn't allow eating in his car, a rule he has to enforce upon....himself. I once ate ice cream in his car and one microscopic drip escaped. I though he was going to drive straight to the courthouse and file for divorce. I once implemented the "no eating" rule. I caved after one day.

A CD collection of the Frozen soundtrack, Vacation Bible School 2013, Vacation Bible School 2014, and Vacation Bible School 2015 
Some people call my music inappropriate. I call these people "My Mom". Since I am always driving with kids, my music has to take a backseat. See what I did there? I know, I think I'm a comedian. Then again the fact that I drive with kids is the reason for all the aforementioned crap in my car.

An umbrella
Okay, this one is practical.

An ice scraper
Because you never know when you'll run into and ice storm.  In May. Hey, I do live in Chicago.

A case of water and empty water bottles
Because we all might die of thirst driving through the desert on the fifteen minute drive to school. Oh, wait, we live in the suburbs.

Because the world is my children's canvas.

A layer of sticky.
Because Trader Joes won't stop giving my kids lolly pops.

Some are actually current.

A cell phone car charger
I need my phone in case we break down in the middle of the desert. Suburbs.

and finally

A huge double stroller that takes up my entire trunk.
Because I never know when my kids' legs "won't work".

The fair question is, why don't I clean my car? The sad thing is I do, but it stays that way until my kids get back in it. I have kind of given up on the whole clean car concept, and least until college. A few weeks ago my husband got into my car and said, "Is there a car somewhere under all this?" Funny guy. I would show you a picture of the inside of my car but I'm afraid you would feel obligated to call the health department, or contact the show Hoarders to inquire if they have a car edition, and I don't want to put you in that position. Your welcome.


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