Mad Mondays: Celebrities About Whom I'm Sick of Hearing

Admittedly this may not be a very popular post, but do you get sick of hearing about celebrities from time to time. This is not to say that the celebrities themselves are (necessarily) annoying, but how many times do we really need to be informed about some stranger's life transition? Celebrity gossip can be fun as a distraction from our own mundane lives, but sometimes the media is like an iPod stuck on repeat, and sometimes I get really sick of hearing the same old story. 

"Well, Kat, if you don't want to hear or read about something then just don't."

Listen, I don't subscribe to People Magazine or troll the internet for celeb factoids. Anyway, Google and I are off again, remember? But the media inundates us these days, and we cannot turn on the television, fire up the laptop, or check out at the grocery store without learning personal information about the celebrity craze of the month. Is this bad? Not necessarily, but sometimes it is a bit much. I mean, why do we care so much? Two celebrities who (through no fault of their own) about whom I am sick of hearing are Bruce Jenner and Kate Middelton.

I know, I know; Bruce Jenner is not only dressing as a woman but she is now living as a woman, having finally had the courage to be who she is and opening herself up to attention. A one on one with Barbra Walters was even granted. It seems the media response to Bruce Jenner's transformation has been accepting if not downright congratulatory. Great. But really, all I want is to walk through the check out line at Target without seeing before and after pictures on the covers of no less than ten magazines. I mean, I'm glad she has found peace, but can she get on with her life now, please, media?

This brings me to Princess Kate.

 "But, Kat, what kind of person takes issue with a princess?"

Perhaps the same person who hated dolls as a little girl and chose instead to play with transformers, but I digress. 

Here me out. I have no problem with the princess. Yes, she is beautiful, and she seems like a real nice gal from what I can tell of the pictures. All 8,765,999,000 of them. Actually, the entire royal family seems like one big happy bunch. They are always smiling. It almost makes me want to pack my bags and move overseas. And rifle through their medicine cabinet. That being said, I have to wonder why Americans are not merely interested in but completely fixated on the royal family. Kate, nice is she may be, is famous for marrying a prince, and most recently, having a second baby. She is the ONLY woman on earth who has ever had  baby before. In fact, the entire survival of the human race rests on the tiny fresh from the birth canal shoulders of Baby Princess Everyone Stop What You Are Doing So You Don't Miss The Epic Name Announcement. Damn, will that name even fit on a driver's licence? It would be kind of hip if everyone on earth had a British accent, though. And, OMG, how does Kate look so totes good 5.7 minutes after passing a human watermelon through her lady bits? We want to hear about the nursing bras and mesh panties, and the need for her to waddle around with an ice pack in her sexy mesh undies while a toddler hangs off her leg and a baby hang off her breast.That's the honest to goodness shit we want to hear about, right? No? Just me? Fine, then.

We all know that just because she is smiling and sporting her yellow non maternity dress for the cameras does not mean that the war-torn postpartum situation isn't under the surface. But, dammit, a princess must bleed purple if she bleeds at all, and her breasts must produce pure gold. No, I am not bashing Kate. On the contrary, I both admire her and feel sorry for her. I didn't really even want the nurses to see me after giving birth and I am pretty sure the revolving door of people coming in and out of my hospital room where I was alternately trying to get the baby to latch and begging the nurses to "Please, when you get a change, remove my IV so I can take A FUCKING SHOWER in the 3.5 minutes I have between feedings thanks so much" didn't want to snap pictures. Well, except that lady trying to sell newborn portraits. She was a little pushy.You'd think after making me sit through her sales pitch (not I bad scheme; where was I going to go?) she could have at least tossed me a Percocet on her way out. Or bought me a drink considering she saw up my shirt. Just sayin.

Anyway, it's all over the internet. Amazed people, mostly women, blogging, commenting, and lamenting about how amazing she looks so soon after giving birth. But that's all nice and positive, right? Except it puts a lot of pressure on that poor woman to look amazing and smile blissfully after she JUST HAD A BABY. Now, I loved having friends and family visit within reason, but beyond that my postpartum self wanted to be LEFT THE FUCK ALONE! So let's leave the poor woman alone and allow her to sit on an ice pack  wearing her husband's flannel shirt in peace, okay? What, you don't think princes own flannel shirts?  

Speaking of babies, I hope that newest Duggar baby is happy and healthy. Do they even blink at the arrival of another baby anymore? I would hate to be the last kid in the family pushing out a baby. By that time it will be, 

"Oh, what do ya know, there's another one. When did that happen?"

I really can't even get into that family. I call my kids by each others' names and occasionally by the cats' names, and I have two. Twenty kids all with J names? Those parents must take a lot of Ginko. 

I suppose the question is, are these really the most noteworthy important events in the world? I mean, obviously they are in those people's lives. But really, why do we need to keep rehashing celebrity stories over and over again? Like I said, maybe it is because it gives us a distraction from our own lives. I am not even saying the stuff isn't interesting - the first 278 times it is broadcasted/photographed/talked about. Maybe we keep consuming it because, although less relevant, it is also easier to swallow than some other current events, such as the latest ISIS threat. Who wouldn't rather see baby pictures?

Nonetheless, we live in the information age, and how much is too much? I keep seeing this Joey Salads pseudoscience guy who is a famous u tuber (who knew that was a thing?) His latest social experiment was quite terrifying. With parent permission, he walks up to children at the park with a cute little fluffy dog under his arm. The mothers of said children all insisted that they had drilled into their children not to talk to strangers, which I'm sure they had. The kids, however, saw and heard "puppy" and happily went with the man.

Terrifying? Yes. Surprising? Not really.

Obviously, we all hope and pray that our children never encounter a real life situation such as the one simulated in the experiment, and we prepare them to be on guard. We hope that if they are on some weirdo's radar our voices will be resonating in their heads. But kids are still kids. They are vulnerable, innocent, and easily distracted. Still, we as parents are more vigilant than ever and our kids are probably more protected than they once were. This experiment may make us more vigilant, but it will also make us more scared. Yet we are already vigilant and we are already scared. I wondered as I watched the video, how easily could Joey have led the kids away without the mothers noticing? I'm sure it could happen. We are all prone to distraction. Like when a picture of that cute royal baby pops up on our news feed.

In all seriousness, I respect what Salads is trying to do. I myself feel like I am always walking that tightrope between too smothering and not vigilant enough. Of course I have had the stranger talk more times than I care to recall. With my five year old I have to tread carefully because he is so imaginative and sensitive. I would like to think there is no way in hell he would walk away with a stranger, even for a van full of puppies. Fortunately, at the park I am not far enough away for this to happen without my noticing, although even as I say this I realize it can happen in an instant. And I realize we can't be right there always. Please understand I am not minimizing the implications of the video. If anything, it is the reason I am not asleep right now.

Damn, how did I get on to that topic. I mean, really how did I go from Bruce Jenner to child abduction? Can we just go back to talking about Kate's baby? And her underwear? 

Yes, as humans in a complicated world, sometimes we need distractions and sometimes we need reminders. And sometimes what we really need is to take a break from both and go to sleep. I have to say I am really glad that when I wake up it will be May 5th, because so help me if one more person says, "May the fourth be with you.........."