Can we all agree that daylight savings time was invented by a man? An old cranky man? An old cranky childless man? Yes, yes I know that daylight savings time originated as a means of helping farmers and I should care about the farmers. After all, I eat the food grown in their fields. If they don't use pesticides.
I respect farmers. They have a strong work ethic. Now that I have made my disclaimer I am going to gripe. I hate daylight savings time. Not dislike. Not find annoying. Not disagree with. I hate daylight savings time the way a germaphobe hates bowling. I mean really, how many people have stuck their fingers in those holes? Get your minds out of the gutter where my bowling ball usually hangs out. Let's get back to my disdain for daylight savings time. For those of you who forgot to reset your clocks this past Sunday and woke up late for church (I know, who would do that?), we were supposed to spring forward. Cute, right? Because now it's spring time and cute little bunnies are hopping all around and the snow is melting and we get an extra hour of sunlight, unless you live in Chicago where the sun goes on strike periodically. If you have a toddler he will have awakened you prior to the sun's rise because, hello? his body clock is telling him that it is well past a reasonable time to wake up and start demanding milk and "I want watch PAW Troll". Wait, shouldn't that have worked the other way around? We moved the clocks forward, which means five thirty should really be four thirty which is the middle of the night. I am so confused. Sadly today is Monday, which means he went to bed on the new time last night. Make sense? About as much sense as my five year old saying up until ten o'clock tonight, which I guess is really only nine so why the hell am I so tired and cranky? Oh yeah, because I woke up at five thirty which was really four thirty. You would think on one end or the other this ridiculous setting clocks forward practice would work to my advantage.
That is the simple reason why I hate daylight savings time. It totally effs up children's circadian rhythms. It is like jet lag minus the vacation. As Murphy's Law would have it, daylight savings time always seems to creep up during a weird period of time when both of my kids have started sleeping really well at the same time. Usually they do it in shifts. So here I am enjoying my full nights of sleep and my ability to drink an adult beverage and watch an adult show in that magical time period between the kids falling asleep and me going to bed. Hey, by "adult show" I mean Conan O'Brien. Your mind is really in the gutter today. I blame daylight savings time. Anyway, I am enjoying my good fortune when daylight savings time comes along with a maniacal laugh and says, "It was fun while it lasted, huh, Sucker?" I know, I know, the farmers.
When we visit my brother in San Diego we adjust to a two hour time difference. Five days into our trip my mom will still be insisting that we are on Chicago time. We will be sitting around a bottle of wine and she will say, "You know, it is actually midnight for us. You should go to bed." We love you, Mom. This is how it works with kids. You change the clocks one measly hour and a week later they are still laughing in the face of bed time or waking up with the sun, or by some reason that has no basis in logic, both. In conclusion that is why I hate daylight savings time. That's all I got. It is almost eleven so really almost ten. Either way my brain checked out several hours ago. So before I sign off I just want to say, farmers, I thank you for corn, carrots, and hamburgers, but not for daylight savings time.
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